EGGS AGAIN?

I want to clear something up. A lot of you who're reading this blog may be thinking, "man this chick thinks pretty highly of herself!" Well, you're right. I do, but that's beside the point. 

I know that this blog is written in my favor. I know that my arguments seem one-sided; like I'm not taking any responsibility for my failed relationships. But that's not the case. I do know that relationships are two-sided. I know that I have done things wrong along the way, and some of those things may have played a part in the demise of my relationships. 

But what I want you all to know is that the guys I have been dating aren't your average, everyday "good eggs." Guys who are "good eggs" have morals and would never intentionally hurt anyone. They're normal! They don't lie, cheat, or mislead you to believe they’re feeling something they aren't feeling. But unfortunately for me, no "good eggs" have been thrown at me. I've been stuck dating all the "rotten eggs;" the selfish guys who don't care who they hurt, as long as they get what they want out of it. 

For example, in my post about polishing turds, I speak of a guy who claimed that all of his exes were some form of crazy. But this guy wasn't a "good egg" who had a knack for attracting whacko broads. He was a "rotten egg" who used that excuse to get down girls’ pants.

And the guy who tried giving me a happy ending at Starbucks at one in the afternoon, would've appeared to the naked eye to have "good egg" qualities. But in the end, he turned out to be just another "horny old rotten egg."

All of these rotten eggs have put a bad taste in my mouth, gals. Thus, my one-sided blog.

On the other hand! Had I been dating "good eggs" all the while, we wouldn't have this hilarious blog, now would we ladies? Who the hell wants to read about my date with "Mr. Perfect Teeth" who picked me up on time, opened the door, took me to an exquisite restaurant, told me I was beautiful, had me home at a decent hour, and called the next day to say he had a nice time? Not you! This isn't a chick flick. This is real life. And sometimes, real life ain't pretty. But that's why I'm here, writing to you. Oh, I'm sure a lot of you are happily married, or cohabitating with "the one," or maybe you're just telling yourself that "shit for brains" is a "good egg." Regardless of your current situation, you’ve all been where I am now. You know what it's like to be hit in the face with "rotten eggs."

I'm not perfect, in or out of a relationship. If it sounds like I'm full of myself, rest-assured, I'm not. I have flaws, this I know well. My flaws and I have a love-hate relationship, but that discussion is for another day. This blog is my journal, in essence. It reflects who I am, and who affects me emotionally. My one-sided blog smells like a dead fart, I know. But, please don't think it's because I'm a self-righteous "negative Nelly." It's really because too many "spoiled rotten eggs" have been tainting my life with their sulfuric asses. "Whoever smelt it dealt it" doesn’t apply here, kids.

Trust me, I can't wait to start posting about my new man leaving the cap off the toothpaste, and how annoyingly cute I think it is. But until that “good egg with the hot bod and good job" finds his way into my life, I'll have to keep writing from experience. 

So, rotten eggs it is. Order up!