I'M RUBBER, YOU'RE A JACKASS

When a relationship ends, the best of us will get down on ourselves, especially if we were the dumpees. But I make it a rule to use a break-up as an opportunity for growth. I take stock of my life, I try to work on things to better myself, and I see to it that I don’t make the same mistakes the next time around. So when a guy points out my character flaws, I listen.


This guy I dated told me often that I was one of those "needy" chicks. There were many times I felt like he used it as an excuse to evade responsibility, but then he'd convince me that I was doing it again...being all needy! He reminded me one last time about my neediness when I asked him why he was breaking up with me...over the phone. It hit me hard. I didn't understand it. I didn't think I fell into that category so I really took it to heart.


In the weeks that followed, I analyzed my failed relationship while drinking cabernet braless on my couch watching Matt Damon movies. I agonized over the fact that he broke up with me because I was needy. I'm needy? Something didn't sit well with me. When we were dating, this guy told me frequently that he was perfectly content being by himself. I liked that about him. Even though "uber-independent-guy" would disagree, I am also perfectly happy being by myself (please see my drinking cabernet braless on the couch watching Matt Damon movies reference). But then as the relationship went on and he told me over and over that he didn’t "need anyone in his life," I started to notice that the opposite was true. This guy wouldn't go to the grocery store without an entourage. He couldn't go five minutes without texting someone off his contact list. He'd cut off his fingers before he spent a night at home alone reading a book. Then, I figured something out. The boy who said he didn't need to be in a relationship, who was perfectly content going through life solo, who tried to convince me that I was the needy one, couldn’t stand to be alone with himself.


Many people tend to jump from relationship* to relationship*. They don't take time to chew the cud. They just keep plowing through fields unaware of the trampled flowers left behind. If you go through life without taking stock, without thinking about what went wrong, accepting responsibility, forgiving yourself and others, or growing as a person, you just stagnate. And then you start making excuses for the stench.


I love having people around me. Especially ones I like. But, I also love being by myself. And that is because I like myself. I can sit alone with my thoughts, look at the things I’ve done, forgive myself for the mistakes, pat myself on the back for the accomplishments, and know that I am a good soul. I don’t lie. I don’t cheat. I am honest about my feelings, good or bad. I forgive people who have the balls to come to me and ask for it and I have the balls to go and ask for forgiveness when needed. I’m no saint, but with the plethora of traumatic events I’ve been through, and the growth processes that came after, I think I’ve become a well-oiled human being. I like who I am and it took a lot of hard work to get here. 


Maybe this guy was right, maybe I am needy. Maybe he was projecting. Maybe he was jealous, who knows? What I do know is that I don't mind being alone with myself and that's more than I can say for him. So as the saying goes, "I'm rubber, you're glue."


*"Hanging out" is the same thing as dating, people. If a person of the opposite sex is spending time with you, texting you, calling you, giving you oral on a regular basis, and you are allowing it to happen, you are in a relationship with him/her, my friend.